"Are you going to San Francisco"

Monday 15th August: up nice and early, car loaded and off to the airport. Nice and easy, straight to the Hire Car return, easy easy easy!

A quick check over the car "that seems fine" said the attendant "have you filled her up before arriving?" You know that feeling when you suddenly realise the day is going to be more expensive than you planned "no, we forgot, we did fill up in Noosa but obviously we've driven here since" a quick look at the fuel gauge revealed a half tank "we'll have to charge you the return rate for the half tank, sorry" $75.00 or £50.00 later for a tank that would have cost $20.00 or £14.00 to fill!

Anyway, into the terminal and try to book in. Well surprise, surprise 'Passengers not recognised, please go to service desk!'. Off to the service desk we go. "Are you going international?" we're asked. "Yes, San Francisco", "Okay I'll have to book you in manually". The process goes ahead and after booking our luggage onto all three flights (thankfully we don't have to keep getting our luggage) we are booked on the planes - well at least as far as Los Angeles where we clear customs and pick up our tickets to San Francisco.

Through security - wait for Jen to be tested for explosives (again) - then through to the gate for the flight.

Brisbane to Sydney 9.15am take off lands in Sydney bang on time 10.50am. By the time we clear the plane and get our shuttle bus to international departures at Sydney it's 11.30am. We have to clear customs leaving Australia, which we do with ease. The customs people even appear friendly. Security again and we stand looking at Jen expecting her to be explosive checked but this time it doesn't happen.

We head through to the departure lounge and have time for Jen & Calum to have a game of cards before we head to the gate. The flight is due to take off at 1.05pm but is delayed until 1.30pm. Once again it's an Airbus 380, magnificent. On the 380 they have a tail camera and you can watch the plane from your in-seat screen. Jen and Les watch the plane taxi & take off whilst Calum watches Kung Fu Panda 2.

1.35pm on Monday 15th August and we're up in the air! The captain is confident we will make up the lost time and no turbulence is expected.
What's really strange about this flight is it's 13 hours long, we are then in LA for 2 hours and 45 minutes. We then have a 1 hour 15 minute flight to San Francisco, but we land in San Francisco, after clearing immigration at Los Angeles at approximately 1.35pm on Monday 15th August - Bizarre!

It's a long flight, a very long flight and it really feels like it! Calum managed to grab about two hours sleep whilst Jen and Les got none despite repeated attempts. We saw lots of films though! before arriving we are handed a form to complete. The form (one per family) is so we can confirm we have no prohibited items including food items in our luggage, sharp items etc. One person taking responsibility needs to sign the form. les completes and signs the form.

Arrival at LAX airport and we go through the first level of immigration. Whilst queuing a cute spaniel comes over with his handler and sniffs along the queue of people. It stops at Jen and sniffs her bags "have you got any food items in your luggage ma'am?" asked the armed and uniformed lady handler. "No" replied Jen "Only a roll" Les realises that when completing the in flight form he had taken it for granted that none of us had food with us! "Does the roll have any meat in it?" continued the handler "It's got ham in it' replied Jen. The lady goes on to say we will need to declare it and she then rewards her dog with a treat form picking out the criminals smuggling the food!

Passports are checked by an immigration officer along with a confirmation that we're only holidaying and where we will be whilst we are. The baggage collection. Despite having our bags checked at Brisbane, being America we have to collect and go through customs then re-deposit the bags when cleared. We collect the bags and the join the customs queue's. Whilst in the queue another larger but still cute spaniel comes over and sniffs our luggage. Jen says "We were stopped before, I've got a ham roll" "it's got meat in it?" asked the male handler - perhaps in America they have non meat ham? Otherwise a very odd question - "Yes, ham" replied Jen. "Passport and entry card" demanded the handler. Les handed him the passports and the card completed on the plane. He glanced at the passports and then in green marker pen scribbled something on the card. He handed them back and Les looked at the card, the only word he could make out was 'Meat'.

Eventually we got to the red line. A notice read 'Stand behind the red line and wait to be called' we duly did as the sign instructed. We were called forward when the previous family were done. "Passports and entry card" the man demanded, no please or thank you, this was a clear instruction. Les handed over the passports and card. "Where are you staying?" "How long for?" "Are you on business?" "What is your country of origin?" "Where have you come from today?" questions, questions but no additional stamps in the passports! He looks at the card. "You've got food?" he asks with a raised eyebrow. "Yes" replied Jen "it's a ham roll" "Did you buy it in the airport?" he asked almost hopefully. "No" replied Jen, "I made it before we left" Les has premonitions of us being sent back to Australia (not a bad thing as it happens!). You need to go over there and take all of your luggage, he points towards the queue of shame. No one else is in the queue of shame, the barriers zig zag around in full view of everyone until we reach another sign 'Wait here to be called!'

We wait, still only us in the queue, in front of us is a large X-ray machine with about eight uniformed customs officer all standing chatting. After a couple of minutes one looks us and they stop talking. Another of them, a female calls over "Put your luggage on the conveyor" again, no niceties just do it. We go over to the conveyor leading into the X-ray machine and Les starts loading the luggage onto the belt "Just the hand luggage" she barks at us "Sorry" replies Les and continues with the hand luggage. "Passports and entry card" she barks again. She looks at the card, signed by Les and the passports. She hands back Jen and Calum's passports "You two can go" she says to them "You need to hang on" she says to Les, passing his passport and the entry card to another customs officer. The luggage goes through the X-ray machine. At the other side is another customs officer...

"You've got a meat sandwich?" he asks "it's a ham roll" replies Jen who thankfully hasn't gone. There is a visible mumbling from the customs officers watching the bags go through the X-ray machine. One of them goes over to the customs man we're talking with and whispers in his ear. Now at that point you begin to think, did we leave the bags at all? Could anyone have planted anything? All sorts of possibilities. As the bags come out, he goes straight to the red and black rucksack Jen had been holding. He vigorously pulls it open and drags out our small cool bag. This too is vigorously pulled open. With his latex glove covered hands he pulls out the clear plastic bag containing not one but two ham, cucumber and tomato rolls. "You know the minimum fine for bringing food into the US is $300.00!" he says. suddenly Les remembers he's got a packet of mints, does that count? The customs man reaches further into the rucksack. Well at least he won't find anything else! Out of the bag comes the custom officers hand clutching an orange. Oh my god thinks Les, I'm going to jail. And not just jail, a big american jail. Not just a big American jail, but one like the one in 'Shawshank redemption'!
The customs officer puts his hand back in the bag, it can't get any worse at least! Out comes his hand again clutching another orange. A large customs officer watching proceedings from behind the X-ray machine tilts his head back and then shakes it in a 'When are these people going to learn' kind of way. It's at that point you realise they are all wearing latex gloves and you hope it's just for handling the food! "Sorry, I forgot they were in there" says Jen apologetically. The large customs officer continues to shake his head in a 'Yeah right, that's what they all say' kind of way.
The Customs guy we're talking with throws the food in a bin. "That's okay, these things happen. But next time you come to the US remember it's any food, candy, fruit, meat, anything must be declared and shouldn't be brought in" he hands back Les's passport and the form with clear written on it and signed. "Just take it to the guy over there" he points at another customs officer behind a desk. We take over the passports and he promptly stamps them. Les decided not to mention the mints.

Finally, very tired, we are in the US. We re-deposit our bags for onward flight to San Francisco and then have to leave the terminal and take the short walk to the domestic flights terminal.

Next flight is operated by American Airlines. We try again to book in automatically "and fail. We kind of guessed that would happen. We spoke with an attendant who tried to help. He found Calum on the system but couldn't book him on the flight. The booking in machine produced a small piece of paper with go to customer services ticketing. We are directed to further along the airport. The queue is huge. When we arrive the plane was running 10 minutes late but that still left us with just over 2 hours and 30 minutes. Thanks to our brush with customs we now have just over 55 minutes! Jen goes and explains this to a couple of American Airline staff who are chatting at the entrance to the queue. She has to interrupt them but the explains the situation "You need to join the queue" well thanks for all your help!

Fortunately the queue moves quite quickly and after about 15 minutes we get to the front of the queue and explain our story including that our bags have been checked in and are on the plane.
She goes to the computer "I can't find your booking or your tickets, have you altered your booking at any time?" does this sound familiar to our regular readers? "No we haven't changed anything" we explain. She asks for a copy of our itinerary which she is duly given? "I can't find the ticket numbers" she says, almost as if we would. "Oh yes, here they are" she said looking through the itinerary. "These aren't the right numbers" she says, almost accusingly. She 'tut's' and shakes her head and then 'hey presto' she produces three tickets for us on the flight. 25 minutes to take off and we quickly head to airport security to get on the flight which is almost due to board.

We join different queues. Calum and Les go through one queue and Jen through another. It's another shoes off job and a full body scanner. Calum and Les get through and wait for Jen (AKA International Flyer of the year!). "Where's mum" asked Les, "She's talking to that man" replied Calum. Les looked over in time to see Jen by a security officer who was going through her bag. We then saw him produce a bottle of Suncream from the bag. Jen and the man had a conversation and we see the bag put through the machine again minus the Suncream which has been put to one side. The bag comes out again and another conversation takes place. The bag is gone through again. The security guard then produces a melted ice pack full of liquid from the cool bag in her bag. At this point Les almost swears and probably would have done if Calum wasn't with him. Only 15 minutes left until the plane takes off! The freezer bag is put to one side and the bag goes through again. This time there is a conversation between the man and Jen. He is holding the Suncream and Freezer Bag, she is shaking her her head and pointing. He is holding the items. He then turns and bins the items. Jen walks through and joins us.

Off to the gate just in time for boarding. On the plane, packed in like sardines but only a 50 minute flight to San Francisco which goes without a hitch. We arrive, grab our bags and of to the hotel in a death defying taxi. In the room by 2.30pm brilliant!

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